School's out. Cub scout Day camp is over. Time to relax, and well sleep in.
I thought it was going to be full of fun activities to keep the kids busy- trips to camp croft to hike and play in the creek, library activities once a week, days spent at the park. Well all of that might still happen but Josh was unexpectedly (and insanely) laid off. I hate you Charter Communications! He will get a very decent amount of unemployment, enough to live off of as we live with his grandfather right now, but it's like ehh, now what? I don't want to live here anymore and he doesn't care. This just isn't working. I need to be queen of my own castle. His grandmother never wants to return home so I think some bigger decisions need to be made. We can't stay here forever.
I don't take well to change.. AT all so I've been so damn ill and I know it and know it's ridiculous and KNOW that everything will be Ok but still I can't make it stop. I've been running at the track behind the kids' school every morning like a mad woman. I can now run for an hour. That is impressive and I am so proud of myself. I run until I feel crazy and cry. Noone is ever there and I am sweating so hard by then that noone, unless they were all up in my grill would notice. I am so tired of things NOT working out. In all areas of my life. I feel so empty. I miss something or someone but I am not even sure what it is anymore.
My therapist put me on medication for depression an anxiety on Monday- 20mg of citrapram hydrobromide-I have no idea what it is but I can tell a difference already. I have to come in once a week to check for reactions, usually antidepressants make me maniac along with the depression and that is SCARY.
I tell my therapist there is not pill to take for spiritual pain. I'm sure she thinks I'm nuts but it's true.
The kids had fun at the pool and picnic.
So anyway all that aside, I'm trying to make the most out of summer, this time is precious to me.
Just breathe, right? Right.
